two months postpartum! it gets better

It has been two months and a week and a half since livs was born. Gosh it seems like yesterday that I was holding my livs for the first time. Now she is getting bigger  and even more beautiful with each day. She is smiling so much, she loves it when I kiss her feet and her little hands she just starts smiling so much its agh the best thing in the world! She is finally sleeping through the night! woohooo and not just sleeping through the night but sleeping 11 hours! Yes my friends my beautiful girl loves her sleep like her mama lol. She is also looking more like me, and she still has those big beautiful blue eyes. She is such a sweet girl she loves to cuddle and loves it when I give her kisses and talk to her.

So I finally got on medication I have been on it for almost a month and I am so thankful for it! I got to leave dayton for the first time last week. We went to ikea and had an awesome time. It felt so amazing to get out again and enjoy going out of town. We also went shopping to Cincinnati all day yesterday it was sooo much fun. I am also feeling so much happier these days. I still have some anxiety but its getting so much better. I know that I had a really rough time at the beginning and at times I was so scared that I wouldn't get through it, and if there are any other mamas going through postpartum depression or anxiety after birth there is no shame in getting on medication I know I really didn't want to but I am so thankful that I did I am able to enjoy spending time with my family and enjoy going out and doing the things I use to. I am completely healed up from the c section and working out again! We got a treadmill so I try to get on it every morning. I am also getting some zumba videos so I am so excited about that. I have lost all the weight and some. Its a challenge but I want to get healthy and I don't want to pass down or bad eating habits to Olivia. So overall we are doing really good lately!

We also re did Olivias nursery because I really wanted a couch to have so we could hang out in her nursery more, and when people come out to visit the couch pulls out into a bed! So thats super awesome. I will post pics in my next blog!

one month old! the good and the bad

So it has been one whole month since Olivia was born. She is doing amazing! She is such an awesome little girl. She was already one pound heavier one week after she was born, and she has gotten bigger since then which is great, she loves to eat. She is eating only formula and its working out really great. She is sleeping a lot more through the night and she only wakes up twice at night - maybe three times - and for the most part  falls right asleep after she eats and gets a diaper change. She loves tummy time, and loves to be held. She is starting to smile a lot, and its the best thing in the world.

I am still recovering  from my c-section. I had a superficial infection on my incision which has made recovery a lot slower. I do feel a lot better than the first two weeks! I am finally able to do chores and walk and not be in pain, but when I over do it, it still hurts. I have been struggling a lot with my anxiety for the past week. I think the lack of sleep and all the changes have really triggered my anxiety and it has been a rough week. I think that therapy has been great  but it's time to maybe get on some medication. I feel super sad that I couldn't fight this without medication, but at this point its more important to  feel better so that I can be the best mom I can be for Olivia. Besides my anxiety this week, motherhood is getting easier. I won't sugar coat it, it was really rough the first two weeks. I was in tears everyday, I felt like a horrible person that I wasn't feeling all those happy emotions that people have when they have their babies. I think having the c-section has made it a lot harder. These past two weeks have been so much better. I love spending time with Olivia, she melts my heart, and she just cracks me up with all her cute face expressions. Getting up at night is a lot easier, and I actually don't mind it. Life with our new addition is amazing, its getting a lot easier and I can't wait for what is ahead of us!

 This is my one month post partum body. I am back to my post baby weight but I def want to loose more weight and get healthier.

labor and delivery story

So lets start with our last doctors appointment which was Thursday August 9th. We had a non stress test that day and I  asked if they were able to do a membrane sweep and FINALLY they agreed to it! And in case your wondering no it does not hurt one bit. So after that appointment I felt really crampy. So that night I began to see bloody show and  I was so excited I was so sure I was going to go into labor that night. I didn't go into labour lol and that whole morning I spent the day in bed crying afraid of Tuesdays induction. Well   I eventually fell asleep and when I woke up I was having some cramps but they were not painful at all.  My sister in law came and brought Justin and I dinner and I ate and after that my cramps stopped. A few hours later I got on my yoga ball and bounced on it for maybe thirty minutes and my cramps started up again and I remember telling Justin "This always happens when  I'm on the ball and as soon as i get off of it they stop." So  I finally got tired and went to bed. I remember having some strong pains but I would wake up and think I was dreaming lol. So Justin finally went to bed and about two am I was in quite a bit of pain. So I woke Justin up and had him time my contractions and they were coming at about 10-15 apart. Within two hours they went from 10-15 min apart to 4-6 min apart. Finally at about five we started to get things ready I straightened my hair lol and put on some make-up in the midst of all the pain. I know call me crazy but i just wanted my daughter to be impressed or something I really don't know what I was thinking at the time. By seven am I couldn't handle the contractions I was crying so Justin suggested I take a bath and I did and let me tell you the pain felt almost gone in the water it was AMAZING! At eight  we finally headed to the hospital after talking to my midwife and her suggesting we head over.

We got to the hospital at about nine am. We were admitted by 9:30 and I was four cm dilated so I requested to have the epidural right away since I had been in pain for about 8 hours and I did not want to experience the really strong contractions. At about 11 am I got the epidural and the only part that hurt was when they numb you with the local anaesthesia but it was bearable. When my midwife Kat ( who is the most amazing lady ever!) came to check me I was at almost at six cm dilated so she broke my water. This was at about three a clock. So I  stayed at a six for almost 10 hours. Late at night I started dilating little by little by seven am I was at a nine. I thought in a few hours I would have Olivia but I was wrong it took me till ten to get to ten cm. I started practice pushing at 10:30am and pushed until about 2pm. At 2 the doctor came in and said he wanted to try the vacuum because Olivia's head was turned a certain way that my pushing and the contractions weren't getting her past that spot. So they got the vacuum and I pushed for about 30 min. While they were tugging with  the vacuum it came off and blood went everywhere. I looked at Justin's face and he looked like he was about to cry. I could tell he was really scared for the both of us. I was so determined though to get her out without a c-section that I kept telling them to keep going with other things. So they tried the forceps  and that didn't work so finally they decided a c-section was the only option at that point. I was so devasted I was crying uncontrollably but Justin and my amazing nurse and midwife kept reasurring me it was the best thing and I would be fine.

I went into the o.r. and Justin had to leave me to get his scrubs on and I was freaking out I started having a panic attack and I was just a mess. They numbed me even more and I hated the feeling of being that numb. Finally Justin came in and the surgery began. I just remember being super cold and asking for blankets. Before I knew it they announced she was coming out and I would feel a lot of pressure. Justin kept saying I see her and they yelled out she was out and not to freak out because she wasn't crying she had just swallowed some meconium. They rushed her out I didn't even get to see her.I was panicking that something was wrong and they wouldn't tell me so I kept asking everyone " Are u almost done?" I was so anxious to see her and be done. Finally they came in with her and I saw her and she was just perfect I started to cry it was such an amazing moment.  Going into the recovery room I was a mess I was shaking like crazy I was so cold and I coudln't get my body to stop shaking. But I was just watching them take care of Olivia because she was having some trouble breathing and I was so worried. Within a few hours she started breathing a bit better and I was finally able to hold her!  It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do but although it was hard I love my labour and delivery journey I had amazing people to help me through it and in the end Olivia came out healthy and so did I!

So my recovery has been kind of rough it has not been easy at all! I have been in quite a bit of pain and had to go into the er  because my incision has had some drainage and was in a ton of pain.  I am super tired and super emotional. It's been a rough couple of weeks and I am terrified of when Justin has to go back to work.  But I am trying to let God guide me through everyday and I am learning to really  trust in him. But although I am struggling I wouldn't trade my beautiful family for anything I know that eventually it will get easier. And a big shout out to my amazing husband who has been so supportive and so amazing through this whole journey I love you so much you are honestly the most amazing husband and best friend a girl could have. I love you I love you I love you!

shes here!

 In case you haven't heard SHES HERE! Olivia Madison Rogers was born Sunday August 12th at 2:41pm weighing 6 lbs 10 ounces, via c section and oh boy was it a rough labor and delivery! I will be posting a labor and delivery blog on my side of the story and I thought it would be cool to include dad's experience and point of view of the whole experience.

We have been home for four days now and it has been so amazing. The first day was really difficult though. I had been breast feeding since she was born but the moment we got home we noticed she was hungry all the time. She would stop eating and two minutes later she would want to eat (not to mention she hadn't had a bowel movement all day) so we started to get a little concerned. Finally at midnight we realized something wasn't right and we realized I wasn't producing anything. So this whole time my poor girl hadn't eaten all day. I felt like a total failure I had a total break down because I really wanted to breast feed. We made the decision to start formula and ever since she has been a super happy baby. She sleeps a lot! We are so blessed for that lol mommy and daddy def love nap time. Although my plans haven't gone according to plan, God has showed me that he has better plans for me and I need to trust in him more. I also just want to thank all my family and friends for the support and prayers. Also a shout out to my mother in law and Bob who have been spoiling us through this whole thing we appreciate everything you have done and we love you so much!


Anyway  labor and delivery blog to come soon i hope!

induction date!

So we had another doctors appointment. We did another stress test and this time Olivia was not moving so much so we were only hooked up for 20 min. After that one of the midwives asked if we wanted to get induced today but we were kind of caught of guard we decided to wait until next week. So our official induction date is Tuesday night! I am feeling super excited and nervous and anxious and kind of relieved that we finally know when she will be here! I also had my membrane sweep today and I am hoping and praying that this will do something to go into labor naturally but if not at least Tuesday we know we will get things going. Please keep us in your prayers, I will continue to keep you all undated!

non stress test, induction

So I am updating again since we had a doctors appointment today. We went in to take the non stress test which is basically they monitor baby' heart when she moves as well as how she reacts to contractions. She was one funny little girl. They had a hard time getting a spot on my stomach that would monitor the heart beat  every time they would find it Olivia would move and this went on for about two hours ( this test should only take about 20min- 1 hour)! She was so active all the nurses were cracking up. So everything came out good, no new changes with me I am still dilated two cm and about 80% effaced. My doctor doesn't think I'll have to be induced he think I am going to go into labor soon and I surely hope he is right, but if not probably next Wednesday I am going to be induced. So I guess at least I know by next Friday we will have little Olivia here and that is so exciting. I am feeling anxious and nervous and a bit scared but happy that it will all be done soon and our little girl will be here!

no baby yet womp womp

40 weeks and 4 days and still no baby L. 

This doctors appointment I was dilated to a 2 and baby is super low. I have a non stress test on Monday I still have hopes I won’t make it to that appointment but seeing that it is Sunday already I highly doubt I will go into labor womp womp.

Friday we did go for a super long walk and I lost my mucus plug. I had thought I lost my mucus plug before but I def lost it this time there was no denying it lol. So I hope that means labor is approaching.

symptoms:

• emotional
• swollen fingers and feet
• some cramping
• lots of braxton hick

cravings:

• sparkling water
• salads
• desserts